Individual Mediation

Any interaction we have with someone has the potential for miscommunication, misunderstanding and misinterpretation. But a disagreement doesn’t necessarily have to result in a conflict. At Compassionate Mediators, we help you develop effective strategies for dealing with any situation involving others – from your spouse, parents, children, siblings, to the person you pass in the grocery store aisle and everyone in between.

See if you’re a good candidate for mediation with Compassionate Mediators

Tim and Jenny were due to be wed in a few months. Driving to the priest for a “pre-marital counseling session” they got into an argument about who had let the cell phone battery die. At a stoplight, Jenny got out of the car and began walking. Tim rolled the car alongside, trying in vain to convince Jenny to get back in. With no way to call the priest to say they’d be late, Tim decided to go ahead alone. When the priest heard what happened, he got in the car with Tim to go find Jenny. They located her, still walking. The priest rolled down his window and asked, in his thick Irish brogue:

“So, Jenny, why don’tcha get in the car with us?”

“I am NOT getting in the car with HIM!”

“I guess this means the wedding’s off?”

“No. I’m not saying the wedding’s off. I’m just saying I’m not going to get in the car with him!”


Conflict occurs because of our perception of a situation. We make assumptions about what we think someone else’s words or actions (or inactions) mean. (Click here to see a detailed chart about how you can transform these stories!) Our interpretation of people’s motives and our past stories and experiences all color our perception. The conflict is never arising out of what is actually happening. It’s always arising out of what we BELIEVE is happening, based on our past experiences and the way we filter the “evidence” at hand.

In any conflict, the only one who really loses is you! You lose peace of mind, you lose connection with others, you lose your integrity, you lose your health, wealth and happiness. No more!

At Compassionate Mediators we specialize in specific types of individual, couple and family mediations to help you see more clearly the truth about the situation. With clarity, you can easily and effortlessly create resolutions to conflicts and wind up with healed relationships, built on kindness and compassion. We’re not saying that mediation works in every instance. But transformative mediation often provides an inner shift in the conflict, even when the outer agreement doesn’t look like what either you or the other party originally imagined.

Individual and couple sessions are often conducted via telephone:

  • Individual “inner conflict” Mediation Sessions: Gain peace of mind and easily handle tough meetings, letters or phone calls, resolve all underlying issues creating your conflicts in your personal and professional lives. Move away from your positions and get clear on your issues and interests before meeting or communicating with the other party. Establish your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Transformative Agreement (BANTA) and your Worst Alternative (WANTA). 
Book a 30 minute initial consultation $250
Reserve an hour’s block (usable in 6 minute increments) $500 Reserve a four hour block (usable in 6 minute increments) $1500

Register Now

 

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  • Transactional Mediation Support Sessions: When dealing with salary reviews, raises, severance packages, options and buyouts or any other type of money-related issue, there’s a universal truth that underlies every negotiation and mediation. It’s never about the money – it’s about recognizing the fear behind the desire for the money. I help you reach agreement by helping you recognize and realize what the other party’s fears may be as well as your own underlying fears. We then brainstorm solutions to keep these fears from becoming deal breakers. Armed with this knowledge, you can instantly overcome resistance that arises when dealing with money issues during transactional meetings.

30 minutes; $250 

 

  • Pre-Negotiation Consultation: Get a leg up and feel more confident with your next negotiation. Explore the possible objections, best possible outcome and worst possible outcome, and get a true reality check about your negotiating position before you come to the table. An opportunity to create out of the box solutions that are truly win-win-win. Think of it as a warm up session before your next negotiation. Never again be a nervous negotiator! (For more detailed pre-negotiation strategic consultations, visit our Corporate Mediation section.)

30 minutes; $250  

 

  • Couples Mediation Sessions: We show you kinder, gentler ways to communicate to create what you truly desire, wherever you are in the process of your union. Coming together (pre-marital agreements), hitting a rough patch (marital communication contracts and skills), separation (creating Satisfying Separation agreements), reconciliation, uncoupling (divorce and post-divorce communications and child-rearing conflicts). Put an end to shaming, blaming and withholding and give yourself the gift of peace. (same sex couples welcome)


Book a 30 minute initial consultation $250 Reserve an hour’s block (usable in 6 minute increments) $500

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  • Family Financial Issues Sessions: The stories we tell ourselves from our childhood and the assumptions we make about our family members often stand in the way of healthy relationships with our family members as adults. We specialize in mediating conflicts in areas such as:

o   Resolving inheritance issues

o   Resolving holiday hotspots prior to getting together for the holidays

o   Working out repayment of financial transactions; and

o   Reconciliations after long separations

o   Resolving blended family issues

Book a 30 minute initial consultation $250 Reserve an hour’s block (usable in 6 minute increments) $500

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Are you a good candidate for mediation with Compassionate Mediators?

Renowned sports negotiator Leigh Steinberg is noted for the fact that he has built his practice around his values, rather than the other way around. In every initial meeting with a potential client he explores whether or not a potential client shares his values of giving back to the community, acting with integrity, and a willingness to examine his (or her) shortcomings in order to maximize their value.

At Compassionate Mediators, we have a similar philosophy.

We don’t take just any clients for mediation. We look for clients who are interested in fair settlements, and who are willing to learn and understand the other person’s position – not so they can take advantage of their weaknesses, but so they can help craft settlements that feel good to everyone involved.

It starts with being able to answer YES to these two questions:

1. Are you willing to take responsibility for how you got here?
2. Are you willing to consider releasing your story and your attachment to being right, in order to create a solution?


Why we should NEVER try and go it alone without a mediator:


 


 

Even the best attempts to create a solution to a problem, and get what we want in life, can go awry if we lose our temper, or the other party gets offended. A 30 minute consultation is often all it takes to get clarity and avoid moments like these that result in you walking away empty handed or disappointed.

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How to Transform Our Stories and Instantly Dissolve Conflicts

Our personal stories are guided by six distinct attributes we desire that we think we lack. Our thoughts and feelings then spring from that basic story we tell ourselves and others. Depending on your core concern (in the left column), the right hand column demonstrates how mediation can benefit you and your family:


 

 

 

 

What We WANT


 

 

 

 

What We THINK


 

 

 

 

What We FEEL


 

 

 

 

Mediation Transformation

Appreciation
(Valued by others)

Not understood, devalued, unheard, misheard, misunderstood

Feel valueless Understand, find merit and improve communication
Affiliation
(Emotional connection with each other)
Abandoned, left out, disconnected, unconnected Feel abandoned Build interpersonal relations, communicate with each other
Autonomy
(Freedom to make decisions without imposition from others)
Manipulated, controlled, powerless Feel powerless Invent options and change habits to always consult before acting for others
Status
(Social status and areas of individual knowledge in particular areas)
Unrecognized for expertise or experience Feel like we’re dying Revive lifeless marriages, relationships and interactions
Role
(Clear, meaningful purpose)
Lacks meaning, lacks purpose, lacks fulfillment Feel lacking Make roles more fulfilling
Face
(To be seen as real and valuable)
Risking being “discovered”/who we think we are Feel guilty Release guilt and gain self-compassion

(Adapted from the Five Core Concerns by Daniel Shapiro and the Six Core Beliefs from the Village Gathering MMF program).

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