Healing Your Relationship With Money

Commitment Three: I am committed to my own complete development as a financially independent individual.

What Stands Between You and Financial Independence?

Healing our relationships with money means being open and receptive to changing the way we think and feel about money. It is our thoughts and feelings about situations that involve money which keep us from healing our relationships with money, not the situations themselves.

Being committed to our own complete development as financially independent individuals means being willing to shine a light into the dark places and look at what lurks there without running away. And it means forming a game plan of specific actions that we can each take to claim our independence.

You may find that it’s helpful to take a few deep breaths, or take a friend or mentor with you as you explore the really scary parts of your money relationship. I assure you, however, that while every dark crevice you explore contains a scary shadow, more often than not the shadow is a reflection of a gift for you.

I once knew a man who felt trapped in his job. He was an incredibly brilliant man and knew his industry inside and out, but he wasn’t a savvy “corporate player.” As a result his boss was paying him twice what he would have earned anywhere else, yet his job was extremely unsatisfying to him. His commute was horrid. There were no challenges and few opportunities for him to use his considerable talents as a historian and investment guru. Every suggestion he made was turned down by his boss.

For a long time, I sensed his depression and gradually realized that he was depressed because he firmly believed he was financially dependent on his boss and his job. He had given away his power, his very spirit. In the jail he’d created in his mind, his choices were to leave and give up many of the material comforts and benefits of his six figure income or stay and face the continual erosion of his soul.

If you only see two solutions to a problem you’re not looking hard enough.

Eventually, my friend found a third solution. He came to terms with his dilemma by consciously choosing to recreate his job. He started coming to work on off hours, so his commute became more bearable. He started devoting one day a week to his historical pursuits and his love of jazz. He realized that he had the unique opportunity to recreate his work situation so that the work he was doing was of interest to him. As long as he accomplished the few tasks that his boss required of him, the rest of his time was his to create the job of his dreams. Suddenly, he was no longer financially dependent on his salary in his mind. This shift of consciousness ultimately brought him to even higher levels of prosperity — and brought new excitement to his work.

Whether he knew it or not, he came to this shift in thinking and feeling by consciously committing to his own complete development as a financially independent individual. As long as we hold onto the belief that the people in our past (or our present) are to blame for our current financial situation, we are allowing these people — not ourselves — to be in charge of our spirit. Likewise, as long as we hold onto the belief that we are to be thanked for the current or past financial success of another, we are assuming a place of superiority over that person’s spirit. Both are equally harmful to our own complete development as financially independent people.

You need to be ready and willing to give up these limiting thoughts and feelings. What are you willing to give up in order to heal your relationship with money? My friend with the financial dependence on his job was willing to give up that part of his ego that said his salary needed to be tied to his job performance in order for him to feel successful. He accepted that it was equally valuable for his boss to pay him an exorbitant salary simply to keep him from going to the competitors. These competing employers might have put his considerable knowledge to better use, but then he would have faced the dilemma of feeling used by an employer who was paying him a fraction of what his current employer was paying while making him work harder for every dollar. See the net we get ourselves caught in?

What do you need to let go of as the first step toward committing to your complete development as a financially independent individual? It could be releasing old thought patterns, old spending patterns, or the persona of financial victimhood.

You must ask yourself, what are you willing to give up for your financial security? Our thoughts, actions and words must align with the universal flow of prosperity. If you feel used, taken advantage of, like a sellout, or like you’re prostituting yourself, take these as signals that something is out of alignment in your financial independence.

Look at every financial situation over the next two weeks as an opportunity to view the alignment of your financial independence, much as you would observe the pull of your car to the right and left, which would indicate that your car is somehow out of alignment. These close observations will give you some basic information that is key to committing to the complete development of your financial independence.

If we are providing financial support to another, we must be rigorously honest in our assessment of what truly motivates us to be of service to others. Are we acting from a place of unconditional love or for selfish reasons? Do we want to impress others? Are we seeking recognition or approval from others? Do we wish to set ourselves above others?

Are you more comfortable receiving assistance than offering it? Do you give of your time, treasure or talents or offer assistance grudgingly, with resentment, with strings attached? Don’t berate yourself if you do, for you are not alone. On some level almost all of us act from these fear-based places in our psyches. It’s time to stop denying who you are and start delighting in who you are.

Are you afraid that if you aren’t financial dependent on someone else or if someone isn’t financially dependent on you that you will be alone? Your fear of “aloneness” keeps you in debt, and keeps you from fully committing to becoming financially independent.

Ask yourself: If I am financially independent, and allow others around me to be financially independent, what will happen to the people in my life I am currently financially dependent upon or who I keep dependent on me? This could be a spouse, a family member, it could even be your employer. Once you’ve honestly answered this question, ask yourself, If I am no longer financially dependent on someone else, and no one else is financially dependent on me, then what will happen to me? What will change in my life?

Look at the changes you are afraid of, as well as the changes you desire. How can you minimize your fears and embrace your desires? Share what you learn about yourself and we’ll continue this adventure in the next Commitment!


Paula Langguth Ryan is a contemporary prosperity advisor, author and motivational speaker. She is devoted to helping people release their limiting beliefs — so they may achieve personal prosperity and abundance in all areas of their lives. If this booklet fed your soul, tithes and offerings are gratefully accepted to support the continuation of this work: Paula Langguth Ryan, 1121 Annapolis Road, Suite 120, Odenton, MD 21113.