“All that I give is given to myself.” – A Course in Miracles, Lesson 126
What if no one else can “steal” our energy away? What if we simply gift wrap it and give it away, give away our power, give away our focus, give away our attention and energy?
If there’s only one of us here, then our only task is to look at where we try and convince others to give their energy to us. Where do we become like thieves in the night, or con men in the day, trying to convince others that we NEED them?
We do this anytime our ego tries to convince us to play small, or separate from others. Anytime we perceive ourselves as weak, incapable, unable. Anytime we become afraid of owning our own power.
When we whine, play small or think we lack, we are trying to convince another to “help” by giving us their energy. This happens in overt as well as covert ways. Statements like: “Hold the elevator!” or “Let’s just split the bill” or “I just need one more minute…” These statements demonstrate that we believe we don’t have enough time, energy, money. The truth is, you already have everything. You’ve just forgotten.
Yesterday morning, while eating his vitamins, my son announced, “I am the strongest person in this house!” We redirected with “you’re definitely the strongest YOU in the house.” To which he responded: “Actually, I’m even stronger than I think I am.” Score 1 for Cooper owning his Divine Power!
What does that have to do with energy sucking vampires in our lives? Think about the language we use when someone cancels an appointment with us, for example. “Flagrantly flake, without apology, blame me for their transgression, disrespectful person, up to me not to offer again to that person.”
Now, let’s look at it from the perspective of our Oneness. Think about how often you are the one who flakes on yourself, without apology. You suck your energy away from what you’re guided to do, or from your life purpose.
And because it’s hard to own this truth about ourselves, we disguise our actions by triangulating with “that person.”
This triangulation winds up with us given away even more of our power.
Our fear of being judged as “inconsiderate” may actually lead us to “honor” commitments that, in the present moment, are no longer valid. Being present means realizing that everything is in a constant state of change. Which means whatever is going on in this moment is the right and perfect thing.
My friend April J. May once said this about me: “You always mean what you say. Even if you only mean it in the moment you said it.”
When we honor commitments that are now invalid in the current moment, we give our power away. It has nothing to do with whether or not someone ELSE honors their commitments to us.
Here’s the biggest clue that we do this. There are some times when you freely give of your time and if the person you’ve allocated time for “bags” you, you could care less. In fact, you may be grateful for the free time, half hoped they’d cancel so you could put your energy and attention somewhere else. In those moments, you’re feeling whole. You never gave your power away to get anything else.
A Course in Miracles says “Someone must always lose if you perceive yourself as weak.” It’s either you who sees yourself as the loser, or you who makes “that person” the loser.
Nothing that steals your energy is real. When we see ourselves as whole, we have no need to defend or protect ourselves.
We don’t need to “take back” or “safeguard” ourselves or our energy. We don’t need to distance ourselves from “those people.”
We simply need to learn how to own our personal power. Doing so doesn’t mean we have to make anyone else wrong in the process. It just means we are fully aware of and conscious of the choices we make with our power. And the motivations behind those choices.
So often, we give to get. We give our time or energy to someone because we “expect” to get their appreciation, their gratitude, their favor, their attention, their love, their recognition, their business, their indebtedness, their forgiveness. We want to “make them” feel happy, comfortable, impressed, fulfilled.
Whenever we expect to “get” or “make” we are the ones who are the takers. There is no need to take or to withhold. Especially once you truly realize the truth in the statement “all that I give is given to myself.”
In that space, of your quiet ownership of your personal power, you model for others. And they feel safe and loved. Then they find within themselves the courage to own their personal power.
Problems arise when we don’t clearly communicate. Let’s say you’ve set aside time in your schedule to prepare dinner, or a presentation or something important to you. You are “worried” that you’re not going to have time to do everything you want to do.
Someone asks for your help, wanting you to do something for them during that time period. Depending on who it is, you say yes or no. If you say yes, you either do so lovingly or grudgingly. You release your expectations of what you will be doing with your time, or how things will unfold. Or you don’t. When you don’t, and you don’t speak your truth about what you want, you give away your power.
When my son was 4 years old, he started trying to get my attention by saying “momma, I NEED you.” Nine times out of ten, he actually didn’t “need” anything. He just wanted my attention, wanted to show me something. So we practiced with him, showing him how to be impeccable with his words.
“You don’t NEED me. You WANT me to come see what you’re doing. Which I am glad to do as soon as I’m done doing the dishes. Or you can come help me finish the dishes, and then I can see what you’ve created even faster!
Extend your truth, instead of getting upset or withholding your truth in the hopes of “getting” something. Extending sets up a powerful dynamic of healing and empowerment for yourself and others. In that moment, you reclaim the truth that you are even more powerful than you think you are.